1
00:00:17,645 --> 00:00:22,888
THE SEX
before and after

2
00:00:22,913 --> 00:00:24,477
The song is by a musician from Tyumen,
under the pseudonym TEAR.

3
00:00:24,502 --> 00:00:26,309
In his new album, he moves away
from the usual motives

4
00:00:26,334 --> 00:00:27,869
and gives us a package
from angry auto settings.

5
00:00:27,894 --> 00:00:29,491
The album has cyberpunk romance,
quotes from Mujusa, passionate voice

6
00:00:29,516 --> 00:00:30,969
warped by effects and a lyrical hero,
lost in a virtual maze.

7
00:00:30,994 --> 00:00:33,070
episode one:
IN THE BEGINNING WAS THE WORD

8
00:00:33,086 --> 00:00:36,022
custom subtitles
by Lilia Petrova

9
00:00:36,047 --> 00:00:37,633
Sleza (TEAR)
--SEX--

10
00:00:37,658 --> 00:00:42,336
"Sex is out of fashion, drugs are boring to me.,
I'm so tired mom, I've had something to eat"

11
00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:45,828
"The phone has run out of battery,
the dance floor was also empty,"

12
00:00:45,853 --> 00:00:48,961
"sex is out of fashion,
drugs are boring to me..."

13
00:00:48,986 --> 00:00:51,281
translation and subtitles: CHETEN

14
00:00:51,306 --> 00:00:54,229
translated for
masters-tb.com
visit the site

15
00:01:03,333 --> 00:01:05,100
"What am I here for?
Shall I tell jokes about women?"

16
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:06,965
"So we're right here together."

17
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,108
"For Caucasians?"

18
00:01:08,133 --> 00:01:09,973
"Then I'll have to wait
knocking at the door in the night."

19
00:01:10,200 --> 00:01:11,062
"About the fat ones…?"

20
00:01:11,087 --> 00:01:12,075
Are you new here?

21
00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:13,208
Have you seen what the fuck is here yet?

22
00:01:13,233 --> 00:01:14,475
Where is the ninth table order?

23
00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:16,559
My heel.
- Mine is the 13th.

24
00:01:16,584 --> 00:01:18,351
"knock comments
under my performance!"

25
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,934
"With your fat fingers."

26
00:01:27,600 --> 00:01:30,763
"For me these, as they call them
red lines, are..."

27
00:01:30,788 --> 00:01:32,498
Trem,
at nine and faster!

28
00:01:32,520 --> 00:01:36,130
"I spoke frankly in college
for the article I came across..."

29
00:01:36,155 --> 00:01:38,005
Listen!
This is my favorite part.

30
00:01:38,030 --> 00:01:40,763
But now I want to share
with you, for another discovery of mine.

31
00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:44,654
The sex...

32
00:01:44,900 --> 00:01:46,169
I'm bored.

33
00:01:52,033 --> 00:01:53,896
i have a friend
who has been married for five years.

34
00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:56,904
And now their sex,
it's like a UFC fight.

35
00:01:57,266 --> 00:01:59,224
It happens once every two months.

36
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,975
They are preparing for it
a very long time

37
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:04,466
they are waiting
they make eye contact.

38
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,107
They start in a week
to threaten each other.

39
00:02:07,132 --> 00:02:08,841
Something like:
i will do this and that

40
00:02:08,866 --> 00:02:11,209
and I'm such that you just don't have it
to be able to walk...

41
00:02:11,248 --> 00:02:12,642
And in the end...

42
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:15,521
he falls in the first round and that's it!

43
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:22,138
And she expected seven rounds!

44
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:25,287
Even the strangler's grip...

45
00:02:26,300 --> 00:02:29,130
What am I talking about now?
I really care

46
00:02:29,155 --> 00:02:30,341
what is before and after.

47
00:02:30,366 --> 00:02:32,953
Because sex itself,
viewed from the sides, it is the same. Right?!?

48
00:02:32,978 --> 00:02:35,264
Let's be honest. Right?
- Yes...

49
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:38,741
In fact, sex seems to be
not so important anymore.

50
00:02:38,766 --> 00:02:40,489
Remember how much
you have to do

51
00:02:40,514 --> 00:02:41,745
just to make it happen!

52
00:02:41,770 --> 00:02:43,819
It's every time
as a new challenge.

53
00:02:43,966 --> 00:02:45,275
Is there a manual?

54
00:02:45,300 --> 00:02:47,826
Okay, sex is clear.
There is a kama sutra there.

55
00:02:48,033 --> 00:02:50,858
And what to do with it -
before and after?

56
00:02:51,666 --> 00:02:52,941
I'm telling you for sure!

57
00:02:52,966 --> 00:02:54,912
Samurai don't have sex!

58
00:02:55,166 --> 00:02:57,522
With him, there is only a way from the very - to...

59
00:02:57,733 --> 00:02:59,397
to that itself - after that!

60
00:03:03,066 --> 00:03:03,950
In general,
I wish you

61
00:03:03,975 --> 00:03:06,075
have a great time tonight
to the very - to,

62
00:03:06,255 --> 00:03:08,255
then good fuck you

63
00:03:08,500 --> 00:03:10,208
and after that
to part without scandals!

64
00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:12,319
That was from me.
thank you, you are cool!

65
00:03:14,984 --> 00:03:16,104
You are amazing!

66
00:03:18,166 --> 00:03:19,499
Thank you!

67
00:03:22,566 --> 00:03:24,066
Today was great!

68
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:26,015
New female viewers appreciated it.

69
00:03:29,626 --> 00:03:30,540
I'll give it back to you now...

70
00:03:36,233 --> 00:03:38,563
Will we serve for a long time
free beer?

71
00:03:53,666 --> 00:03:55,227
what will you order!

72
00:03:57,833 --> 00:03:59,336
This service...

73
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:00,806
from the little one!

74
00:04:01,233 --> 00:04:02,775
Well, the time is not right,
I'll chime in when I can.

75
00:04:02,800 --> 00:04:03,891
I'm sorry!

76
00:04:03,916 --> 00:04:06,297
Klim, can I take a selfie?
- Yes, of course.

77
00:04:10,466 --> 00:04:12,321
However, put a prettier filter!

78
00:04:13,133 --> 00:04:14,266
Thank you!

79
00:04:22,033 --> 00:04:23,454
So what's the problem?

80
00:04:23,666 --> 00:04:25,366
you don't have a ring
to jokes about sex

81
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,470
don't laugh too much
so you are not married!

82
00:04:29,233 --> 00:04:30,875
Maybe I like girls more?!?

83
00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:32,798
Me too, you see how much
we have a lot in common.

84
00:04:33,933 --> 00:04:35,175
Very funny!?!
- Arin!

85
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:38,708
Sorry, but this time
you have to pay for the beer.

86
00:04:38,733 --> 00:04:40,930
Agnita cringed.
- No problem.

87
00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:45,391
Done.

88
00:04:54,633 --> 00:04:56,697
Is this some kind of kindergarten?!?
Why are you running away from me?

89
00:04:57,266 --> 00:04:58,627
Shall I run?!?

90
00:04:58,833 --> 00:05:00,200
I'm not running
it does not become a price at all.

91
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,237
If you raise your price, fine.
Tequila or gin?

92
00:05:03,933 --> 00:05:05,675
Vovka,
you don't need a car like me!

93
00:05:05,700 --> 00:05:08,050
Oh Boomer, but do you see
that we like the same movies?!?

94
00:05:08,133 --> 00:05:09,643
let's sit
let's talk!

95
00:05:09,800 --> 00:05:11,541
I understand from upbringing and all that.

96
00:05:11,566 --> 00:05:12,657
By the way,
i have an excellent monologue

97
00:05:12,682 --> 00:05:14,050
but i can read you everything...

98
00:05:15,766 --> 00:05:16,566
Wow?!?

99
00:05:19,366 --> 00:05:20,565
I don't even know

100
00:05:20,808 --> 00:05:22,190
what can i say

101
00:05:22,215 --> 00:05:24,221
Let me help you!
I'm sorry I didn't know

102
00:05:24,333 --> 00:05:25,714
sorry to bother you!

103
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:27,389
One such persistent,

104
00:05:27,414 --> 00:05:29,214
on our first date
called me for stand-up.

105
00:05:30,466 --> 00:05:32,471
So today alone from the table,
I'm leaving instead of two.

106
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:34,362
I know what to treat you with!

107
00:05:35,266 --> 00:05:36,066
What?

108
00:05:36,533 --> 00:05:37,333
With Rom.

109
00:05:38,221 --> 00:05:39,518
All pirates love rum.

110
00:05:43,653 --> 00:05:44,653
Allow me!

111
00:06:09,700 --> 00:06:10,600
There are usually two options.

112
00:06:11,466 --> 00:06:13,766
They are afraid and run away
or they start to regret it.

113
00:06:14,366 --> 00:06:15,708
The latter is definitely not for me.

114
00:06:15,733 --> 00:06:17,000
We comedians are like from the FSB -

115
00:06:17,025 --> 00:06:18,430
neither love nor longing

116
00:06:18,455 --> 00:06:19,688
no regrets
just jokes.

117
00:06:20,166 --> 00:06:21,977
What jokes, I'm immune?!?

118
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:25,153
I think in the last
I have heard for five years

119
00:06:25,178 --> 00:06:27,110
all jokes
for the disabled.

120
00:06:28,233 --> 00:06:29,227
are over

121
00:06:29,833 --> 00:06:30,868
they are gone.

122
00:06:32,666 --> 00:06:33,954
It's even kind of insulting.

123
00:06:35,878 --> 00:06:37,477
Now everything is clear to me about you.

124
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:39,860
What is clear to you?

125
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:41,341
This is your cunning plan.

126
00:06:41,366 --> 00:06:42,485
Come to my concert

127
00:06:42,510 --> 00:06:43,877
to sit facing
to the poker player all evening,

128
00:06:43,902 --> 00:06:46,001
to provoke me to a fight
and then go out with me

129
00:06:46,026 --> 00:06:48,891
to make a joke about your leg
or rather the lack of it.

130
00:06:48,966 --> 00:06:50,540
Sneaky, but I like it.

131
00:06:51,800 --> 00:06:52,600
Nonsense?!?

132
00:06:53,533 --> 00:06:54,501
Is that what it looks like?

133
00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:56,344
Got me.

134
00:06:57,666 --> 00:06:59,110
In cash?
- Yes, now?!?

135
00:07:00,533 --> 00:07:01,743
Challenge accepted.

136
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:03,649
If you laugh at my joke,

137
00:07:04,933 --> 00:07:06,188
I win a kiss!

138
00:07:08,933 --> 00:07:10,329
We had a good time!

139
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:13,041
Now you're going to start joking

140
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:14,208
and nothing will happen.

141
00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:15,462
You will be upset.

142
00:07:17,233 --> 00:07:18,438
Is this what you need?

143
00:07:20,166 --> 00:07:22,016
please
I have sports interest.

144
00:07:37,766 --> 00:07:39,327
you know
that nothing will happen to us.

145
00:07:40,533 --> 00:07:41,866
I'm a fucking fetishist.

146
00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:54,108
ok then
come on faster!

147
00:07:54,133 --> 00:07:55,433
One foot here
and this one here and there!

148
00:07:58,133 --> 00:07:59,870
My father joked like that once.

149
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,316
A month after the accident.

150
00:08:09,133 --> 00:08:11,587
"We met a chick,
she was good..."

151
00:08:11,612 --> 00:08:13,578
"When I look at her,
my soul erupts to sing..."

152
00:08:13,603 --> 00:08:14,603
"She was the best,
it was just brilliant..."

153
00:08:14,628 --> 00:08:15,925
Today you are the first
let's get started!

154
00:08:15,971 --> 00:08:16,971
Come on!

155
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:19,466
Now the people will go away,

156
00:08:19,491 --> 00:08:20,908
I suggest we play a game.

157
00:08:21,133 --> 00:08:22,541
"BUCK FOR DICK"
is called.

158
00:08:24,500 --> 00:08:26,041
i agree
the name is not very successful

159
00:08:26,733 --> 00:08:28,010
but the toy is cool.

160
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:30,088
This is how we have fun at night.

161
00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:32,674
Is this some kind of initiation?

162
00:08:33,233 --> 00:08:34,033
Yes.

163
00:08:35,666 --> 00:08:37,666
Next time!
"how sweet is that..."

164
00:08:37,691 --> 00:08:39,291
the song is on
Dolphin - Non-stop sex

165
00:08:42,464 --> 00:08:44,208
"Dermatology Center,
Svetlana...

166
00:08:44,233 --> 00:08:45,208
Hi Svetlana,

167
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,737
my name is...
what is your name

168
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:48,817
Olesya ...
- My name is Olesya,

169
00:08:48,842 --> 00:08:50,341
I have some health problems

170
00:08:50,366 --> 00:08:51,641
You can hear it in my voice...
- Yes, yes...

171
00:08:51,666 --> 00:08:53,141
But I'm calling about fungus.

172
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:54,979
Would you like to make a note?
consultation time?

173
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,994
A healer told me,
that I have unilateral fungus.

174
00:08:58,200 --> 00:08:59,000
Sorry, but what!

175
00:08:59,025 --> 00:09:01,088
Yes, unilaterally.
Only on one leg.

176
00:09:01,500 --> 00:09:03,305
And are you sure
there is no fungus on the second leg?

177
00:09:03,330 --> 00:09:06,057
It is an infectious disease,
which affects both limbs.

178
00:09:06,166 --> 00:09:07,940
Svetlana, I don't have a second leg.

179
00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,025
Ah, now I understand you...

180
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,783
Can I get a discount?
to you on this occasion?

181
00:09:11,808 --> 00:09:13,475
Because when I go for a pedicure
and wax,

182
00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:14,875
do they always charge me half?

183
00:09:14,900 --> 00:09:16,150
If you were talking about something like that,

184
00:09:16,175 --> 00:09:17,475
it is something with which
we haven't met yet.

185
00:09:17,500 --> 00:09:19,483
Svetlana, thank you,

186
00:09:19,508 --> 00:09:20,941
I will call you again.

187
00:09:23,733 --> 00:09:25,800
Of course that
it was more awkward

188
00:09:25,833 --> 00:09:28,510
than funny
but still you won.

189
00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:31,330
Not a single disabled person yet
he hasn't won against me!

190
00:09:31,833 --> 00:09:33,166
But this is already rude.

191
00:09:33,333 --> 00:09:34,308
winner don't judge

192
00:09:34,333 --> 00:09:36,200
and in our case,
they even kiss him.

193
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:38,600
No, no!
On the cheek!

194
00:09:39,882 --> 00:09:42,007
That's some kind of condition
in small print.

195
00:09:43,466 --> 00:09:44,578
Well, come on!

196
00:09:56,041 --> 00:09:59,603
SEE YOU LATER

197
00:10:00,931 --> 00:10:03,939
custom subtitles
by Lilia Petrova

198
00:11:04,266 --> 00:11:05,237
Hello!

199
00:11:05,366 --> 00:11:06,308
Hello!

200
00:11:08,100 --> 00:11:09,315
I thought you were gone.

201
00:11:12,400 --> 00:11:13,378
For you.

202
00:11:14,766 --> 00:11:15,815
Thank you.

203
00:11:17,766 --> 00:11:19,300
As my drunken aunt told my sister,

204
00:11:19,325 --> 00:11:20,507
If they fucked you hard,

205
00:11:20,532 --> 00:11:21,795
they have to feed you!

206
00:11:22,800 --> 00:11:24,771
There's salmon and chicken here,
of your choice.

207
00:11:25,600 --> 00:11:27,232
I certainly have no excuse,

208
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:29,041
because i don't know
what kind of coffee do you like

209
00:11:29,066 --> 00:11:30,850
yesterday for that matter
we talked but...

210
00:11:31,300 --> 00:11:32,350
Sorry, I forgot.

211
00:11:32,833 --> 00:11:34,873
Raph I love!
- That's right, Raph.

212
00:11:35,133 --> 00:11:36,376
In general, imagine
that this is Raph

213
00:11:36,401 --> 00:11:38,154
just cooked incorrectly.

214
00:11:43,659 --> 00:11:44,748
By the way...

215
00:11:44,866 --> 00:11:46,365
before you say anything

216
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:48,576
Know that I tried very hard!

217
00:11:52,066 --> 00:11:53,363
I was fine.

218
00:11:53,966 --> 00:11:55,293
Or more honestly...

219
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,199
I haven't been this good
for quite a long time.

220
00:11:58,415 --> 00:11:59,708
Here, the wording
is very important!

221
00:11:59,733 --> 00:12:01,675
Because in the first case
like i'm great

222
00:12:01,700 --> 00:12:03,972
and in the second,
this is your boring past.

223
00:12:04,500 --> 00:12:06,075
Thank you though!

224
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,543
Actually, I tried quite hard too.

225
00:12:07,609 --> 00:12:10,005
Not in the sense that they are
I think very special.

226
00:12:10,249 --> 00:12:11,863
You bastard, of course!

227
00:12:19,866 --> 00:12:21,308
What are the plans?

228
00:12:22,335 --> 00:12:23,469
A second.

229
00:12:26,633 --> 00:12:29,300
A driver is registered for you,

230
00:12:29,700 --> 00:12:32,242
to arrive in five minutes...

231
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,211
Okay...

232
00:12:36,266 --> 00:12:37,066
Well...

233
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,125
Antosh, do you understand?

234
00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:40,804
Yes of course!?!

235
00:12:41,600 --> 00:12:43,039
I understand, forget it!

236
00:12:44,666 --> 00:12:46,211
Anyway, thanks!

237
00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:48,804
For sex and for the evening!

238
00:12:49,366 --> 00:12:52,772
And for treating me
as with normal.

239
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:55,694
Shall I rate you?
- No.

240
00:12:58,933 --> 00:13:00,217
Okay, come on!

241
00:13:06,100 --> 00:13:08,368
Of course it was a fucking joke
from my side

242
00:13:08,393 --> 00:13:11,826
I bought two movie tickets
and the screening is in half an hour.

243
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:14,605
Come on, get ready!

244
00:13:26,333 --> 00:13:29,380
Well, in general,
legs in hands and we run!

245
00:13:34,066 --> 00:13:35,231
Cancel the taxi!

246
00:13:36,566 --> 00:13:39,020
come on
are you really offended?

247
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,505
i think
that I made a cruder joke yesterday.

248
00:13:43,133 --> 00:13:44,372
We will go in my car.

249
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,090
I have free parking.

250
00:13:53,633 --> 00:13:55,582
I needed this
thank you feet!

251
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:56,418
Now we're even!

252
00:13:56,443 --> 00:13:58,504
translation and subtitles: CHETEN

253
00:13:58,529 --> 00:14:00,191
Group Pizza (Pizza)
The sun

254
00:14:00,216 --> 00:14:04,621
"You walked and walked and walked,
and I stood with my hands at my side,"

255
00:14:05,262 --> 00:14:07,598
"your scent wafted through me,
as from a wave of goosebumps."

256
00:14:08,787 --> 00:14:11,512
"and my words went wrong -
my, my, my..."

257
00:14:11,537 --> 00:14:14,105
"where did you come from -
yeh, yeh, yeh..."

258
00:14:14,439 --> 00:14:17,887
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